I had another weird dream last night...
DREAM
Daniel and I were on a train- weird right? But it was like.. an underground train that goes really fast- like a new york one or the ones in Japan. Anyways, we were riding on the train and all of the sudden the lights started like.. flickering and people began to jump from the train onto the platforms. (We were apparently going by the station for some time?) And then it started to sway.. like the part we were on. And we freaked out and jumped from the train onto the platform. Well, we looked over and it caught fire and crashed pretty immediately after we jumped. We began running for what we believed was the exit, but it wasn't so we exited another way.
After getting up we learned that a sort of apocalypse had happened and everyone was dying. We were up north (as I found out later) and we were so scared... We began walking together and found this refugee house. It was full of people and we figured we could stay there for a little while. The only thing I really remember from there is I was trying to find the coffee pot and I didn't know how to make coffee? (weird.)
Anyways, after some time we decided we should leave (don't remember why) and we were outside again. We saw a playground and we headed over there. There were a bunch of kids on the swing set but these two left so we sat down. This little kid swung right between us by going over the swing set! We were surprised and stood up and walked to another two empty seats together. It was strange, I don't remember what was said or what was talked about. I only remember the images of everything.. burning and decaying buildings.. everyone was either dead or searching for a place to go so they don't die... It was scary..
So apparently all these kids and people hanging around the playground were part of a refugee group and they began to leave. Hoping to find people to belong with, we followed. They ended up going to this really steep hill and turned around because it was too steep to go up. That's when my friend Traci came by. She was dirty, her clothes were tattered, and she was alone. It was really confusing. She began to tell us there were all sorts of natural disasters going on everywhere. Down south it was tornadoes and the coast were hurricanes, and as you trekked north, it was flooding in various places. She said she heard about the giant electrical disaster where we were. We agreed, but the only real thing we experienced was on the train. We asked her where everyone else was and she just started crying, she didn't know. She needed someone to go with and I started crying. I don't know why... maybe I was afraid Daniel wouldn't let her come with us. I begged him to let her come and I was crying and I wrapped my arms around his neck as we told each other everything would be okay...
Of course that's when I woke up... weird, huh?
But Anyways, this is what's been going on with Daniel and I.
SITUATION
So on the sixth, Daniel and I had sex and he told me he loved me. The seventh we were just friends. And on the eighth (what would have been our 5 months of being together if it weren't for the recent break up), he was being rude and I made a comment that pissed him off and we've been in a fight since. On the eighth it was just the comment (for the entire day, he didn't talk to me after I made the comment), and then that night I called him a few times, and his phone picked up. But it wasn't him. His phone is apparently (unaware to me at the time) answering calls for about a minute and then hanging up. So I thought he was there and I called more. His phone answered in like 20 minutes from the previous call. Again and again, until I finally gave up. I felt sick and restless and I got about an hours worth of total sleep that night.
The next morning I felt completely sick. My head hurt, my stomach felt like melted jello, and I was aching all over (i'm guessing a product of the night). I got a text from Stephen asking me to pick him up if Trevor and I were going to get donuts. Because of the way I felt, I told me that I couldn't because I probably wasn't coming to school due to sickness. He said okay and I think feel better or something. I didn't care. A little later, I got another text from Daniel. He told me that I had called him so many times his phone died last night. He woke up at 3 and was able to charge it. He told me that he didn't care anymore and that "I'd better stay away from him today". Of course, being sick and upset I told him that it wouldn't be problem because I was sick and not coming to school. I couldn't get back to sleep because all I could think about was him being mad at me. I texted him back to not be so mad at me, he asked why, I wasn't going to see him. I told him because I can't sleep and I really need rest right now. He said "fine... just.. feel better okay" I told him okay and I finally got some sleep. (kinda pathetic, no?)
Anyways, yesterday I went to work and got a massage and was still being dependent on him. I thought that he was ignoring me again because his phone answered for him for a full minute. I sent him a text about not answering and then a message over facebook cause I saw that he was on it. He told me to stop thinking he's ignoring me because he's not, he was doing art and didn't have his phone on him. Well how was I supposed to know that? He obviously went and got his phone (probably to see how many times I called or w/e) because I got a text back asking when? he was asking about his phone answering my call and I told him. he was confused and I was too. Anyways, we ended up talking on the phone and he said he was sick and tired of me. He didn't care about me anymore. that... hurt. It hurt a lot. A little later I ended up telling him I didn't know what to say to him cause I didn't want to say the wrong thing. He told me to shut up. He said if I didn't have anything intelligent or meaningful to say, to just shut up. So i stayed quiet for a while.. I wanted him to cool down and I was trying to pick my words out carefully... Long story short, I told him I was going to stop being so dependent, I listed out things I could do and ways I could stop being so dependent on him. I meant every word of it. I asked him if he was still my friend. He said just friends.. for now. At first I took it completely pessimistically- thinking that if I don't change, he's going to stop being my friend. Then he said take it whatever way I like. So I thought for a moment, what other way could I take it? Optimistically? Then I realized you can. Just friends for now? Can you be more than friends later? He probably didn't mean it that way, but that's the way I thought about it. It's okay, though, I don't actually believe we'll be back together. The same shit will happen and I'll just end up even more hurt than I was before.
So now I have to change myself. Have to. If I don't.. I may never get to be around the person I care most about in the world... And that's hard to deal with when we have like.. all of our classes together.
Now to put two and two together. What my dream means.
DREAM DICTIONARY
APOCOLYPSE To dream of the apocalypse signifies an emotional and dramatic change taken place within. The dream may also indicate the end of one kind of lifestyle and the beginning of another.
TRAIN To see a train in your dream represents conformity and go alone with whatever everyone else is doing. You have the need to do things in an orderly and sequential manner. To dream that you are on a train is symbolic of your life's journey and suggests that you are on the right track in life and headed for the right direction. Alternatively you have a tendency to worry needlessly over a situation that will prove to work out in the end. To see or dream that you are in a train wreck suggests chaos. The path to goals are not going according to the way you planned it out. Or you may be lacking self confidence and having doubt in your ability to reach your goals.
SWING To dream that you are on a swing, represents and expression of great satisfaction and freedom. It also symbolizes cycles and movement. To see a swingset in your dream indicates memories from childhood. You may feel a need to escape from your current responsibilites and relax. To dream that you are swinging, suggests that you are going back and forth in some sitatuion and need to make up your mind.
So basically what I'm taking from this is that I'm in a situation where change is happening and I need to choose something. I'm on the right track, but I tend to worry about little things when I need to relax.
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contemplative